Headlessgiant.com » Satire http://Headlessgiant.com Dedicated to the youthful empirical assessment of pop culture, and education of young people Fri, 03 Sep 2010 02:07:14 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 N1993R-Itis http://Headlessgiant.com/2009/03/30/n1993r-itis/ http://Headlessgiant.com/2009/03/30/n1993r-itis/#comments Mon, 30 Mar 2009 16:09:00 +0000 J. Dixon http://headlessgiant.com/?p=188
I once thought that the feeling of uncontrollable fatigue after a meal was a paradigm among the black culture. People have referred to this as "Nigger-itis" or "ethnic fatigue" for centuries. The stereo typical hour lunch outing being completed with a 15 minute power nap was a sight that employers have seen for quite some time. It has become so common it's written into your contract when you’re hired, "Anything more than 15 minutes "itis-time" is docked from your pay". It turns out there actually a scientific reason for all of this and its not exclusive to members of the darker nations, we just don’t hide it as well. Apparently, large amounts of blood are diverted away from muscles to the bowel to aid digestion. This would make it unwise for us to try and run and as a defense we feel like resting. Hunger keeps us awake, while sleep aids the digestive process. This is probably the most useful information I’ll ever write.

Share/Save]]> http://Headlessgiant.com/2009/03/30/n1993r-itis/feed/ 1 Usain Bolt Parody http://Headlessgiant.com/2009/03/20/usain-bolt-parody/ http://Headlessgiant.com/2009/03/20/usain-bolt-parody/#comments Fri, 20 Mar 2009 20:11:00 +0000 J. Dixon http://headlessgiant.com/?p=187 Strait comedy!

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Remember the first time you heard Jay-Z's "Do it Again (Put ya hands up)" off the volume three album? I know...you went nuts......"Rocafella....you know what this is...we giving ya’ll 5 seconds to put your drink down and report to the dance floor immediately...all the bustas we givin ya’ll 5 seconds to get close to an exit..its bout to get real ugly in here....5 seconds is up....lets GO!!! BEAT DROPS!! Bananas!!...Then you went home and asked you moms for 10 bucks to go cop it at Sam Goodie. You brought it home, put it in your portable CD player and you were spazzing because the album was so hot. But none of your friends had the album. Just you. So they couldn't hear the real heat like "Snoopy Track" feat Juvenile or "It's Hot"(Some Like it Hot). All your boys were still bumping the "radio single" when you had all the gems. You felt like Hov made that track just for you and no one else. You were 1 up on everyone. You were exclusive. Then maybe 6 months later one of your boys comes to you and says.."Yo man, you heard that 'Snoopy Track" on the Vol.3 album.?..it's crazy."" For some reason...all this does is piss you off!!...thoroughly!!!..and you reply.."You idiot, i heard that song months ago!!!"...your so mad because the little musical leverage you had was now gone. You personal euphoria stripped away and stomped on because your lame friend decided to buy the album on sale 6 months later and tell you about somthing you already knew waaaaay before they did.Don't you hate when that happens??
Share/Save]]> http://Headlessgiant.com/2009/03/12/album-beef/feed/ 0 The Macberry!! http://Headlessgiant.com/2009/03/10/the-macberry/ http://Headlessgiant.com/2009/03/10/the-macberry/#comments Tue, 10 Mar 2009 03:43:00 +0000 J. Dixon http://headlessgiant.com/?p=173
This post really doesn't have shit to do with anything but if you don't have a Blackberry or a Macbook, your just behind the times. So sorry. Please excuse my ignorance.

Share/Save]]> http://Headlessgiant.com/2009/03/10/the-macberry/feed/ 1 Chis Brown is "Death Proof" http://Headlessgiant.com/2009/03/06/chis-brown-is-death-proof/ http://Headlessgiant.com/2009/03/06/chis-brown-is-death-proof/#comments Fri, 06 Mar 2009 14:33:00 +0000 J. Dixon http://headlessgiant.com/?p=166 I am truly convinced that Chris Brown is Kurt Russell's "doppelganger": Have you guys read the police report from the night he (Chris) beat up Rihanna??? Supposedly this brawl between Chris and Rihanna-- the punching, the head slams, the bites, the scratches, the suplexes, the DDTs, and "Stone Cold stunners" -- all went down inside the car....while he was driving! That is some Quentin Tarantino, "Death Proof" type shit! Does anybody remember that movie? ...it came out in 2007 ...it was part of a double-feature, the other movie being "Planet Terror" ...anybody remember? Anyway, the movie featured Kurt Russell, Rose McGowan, Rosario Dawson, Zoe Bell, Tracie Thomas, Vaness Ferlito, and some other people: in the movie Kurt Russell played "Stuntman Mike" who is this crazed stuntman who stalks two seperate sets of young woman and uses his "death proof" car to execute his sinister plans. If you've ever seen it you probably remember the first victim, played by Rose McGowan, whose head was smashed into the dash board as Stuntman Mike abruptly stopped his car after traveling at incendiary speeds, or even the head on collision he purposefully had with the first set of young ladies which sent their bodies (and body parts) flying from their car. And Kurt Russell walks away without a scratch on him -- death proof, baby! In the end, the other set of girls end up having the last laugh -- for their car too is "death proof" -- and get the best of Kurt...and end up killng him in the end.

Now, after reading this police report, whenever I think of Chris Brown I will always think of "Stuntman Mike" and his "death proof" car. Let's just hope, for Chris' sake, that the car was "jail proof" too. Check out the report :here
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Ari Gold from HBO's Entourage has got to one of the most memorable TV characters in recent time. (Although his character is based loosely on prominent American talent agent Ariel "Ari" Emanuel) His anti-gay, cultural , and gender epithets make for the bedrock of satirical genius on which the show stands. Here are some of his most noteworthy quotes. Enjoy.

1) Lloyd: "Are you hiding something from me Ari?" Ari: "Only my cock and my asshole Lloyd."

2) Ari: "I want you to pass this message along to Dana. Tell her that I still have the pictures from Cancun, tell her that I’m gonna start a website. I will take a full page ad out in the L.A. Times advertising it. Tell her it will be called imahollywoodexecutivewhore.com and that no password or fee will be required. Tell her I Want A Fucking Call Back!"

3) Ari Gold: "Listen to me, Lloyd. Do you want to make it in this business or fold shirts at a Chinese Laundromat? Pledge."

4) Lloyd: "What’s wrong?”Ari: "Has so much cum squirt in those eyes you can’t see what’s right in front of your face? Amanda Daniels takes that job, Vince is fucked and I’m fucked. Which means we’re all fucked. And we’re fucked in the way you like to get fucked not fucked in the way normal people like to get fucked."

5) Ari: "Listen, Lloyd, I want you to put all my files, folders, binders, *everything* into a box! If you find a used condom, an executioner's mask, and a fucking spike paddle, don't think, just pack that bitch! Chop suey!"

6) (Ari shows Lloyd the dust on his finger) Lloyd: "The cleaning staff’s on strike, you know that". Ari: "They strike, you work. You’re Asian; you’re supposed to be a neat freak. Go get a rag............ Go Lloyd, go. I want every desk sterile enough for you to get trained on."

Share/Save]]> http://Headlessgiant.com/2009/03/03/ari-gold/feed/ 0 The Ol’ Wopty http://Headlessgiant.com/2009/03/02/the-ol-wopty/ http://Headlessgiant.com/2009/03/02/the-ol-wopty/#comments Mon, 02 Mar 2009 22:17:00 +0000 J. Dixon http://headlessgiant.com/?p=160

I once believed that Reggaeton was the only form of music that was displaced from African-America culture--stemming from Reggae and Dancehall music influences. But this just in: Salsa is too. Apparently Salsa is an African (and European) inspired dance style that was espoused by Spanish-speaking people in the Carribean. Who would have thought that we were the originators of this "love dance" flavored with self-expression, grace, and ambiguity: for instance, the "Boogaloo"--a type of Latin dance and music--is a fusion of doo-wop, blues, R&B--music tastes which Latin Americans shared--with mambo. I'm convinced that being Black is cool; it's just that--what makes us and everything about us, or at least everything that was about us, so advantageous to everybody else?

Share/Save]]> http://Headlessgiant.com/2009/03/02/the-ol-wopty/feed/ 0 What a Name!! http://Headlessgiant.com/2009/03/02/what-a-name/ http://Headlessgiant.com/2009/03/02/what-a-name/#comments Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:50:00 +0000 J. Dixon http://headlessgiant.com/?p=158 Spike Lee is undoubtedly one of the greatest directors Hollywood has seen, exclusively for his vividly poetic portrayal of black life in the late 80s and early 90s. Not only is Lee able to give us holistic insight on racial tension, family feuds, and social injustices, he gives the characters in these movies such dope names!..Ossie Davis played The Good Reverend Doctor Purify in Jungle Fever, and was referred to as such throughout the whole film...no abbreviations. Also in Jungle Fever, Wesley Snipes played Flipper and Samuel L. Jackson played Gator. There was also a cameo appearance by Charlie Murphy whose character was called Livin' Large. In Lee's Do the Right Thing, Spike play Mookie, Bill Nunn played the infamous Radio Raheem, Giancarlo Esposito played Buggin' Out (you had to love he and Mookie's hand shake),Samuel L. Jackson played Mr. Senor Love Daddy, and Robin Harris (Father from House Party) played Sweet Dick Willy. You just gotta love it. The characters from these movies are timeless.

Share/Save]]> http://Headlessgiant.com/2009/03/02/what-a-name/feed/ 2 You thought it was a joke didn’t you? http://Headlessgiant.com/2009/02/28/you-thought-it-was-a-joke-didnt-you/ http://Headlessgiant.com/2009/02/28/you-thought-it-was-a-joke-didnt-you/#comments Sat, 28 Feb 2009 16:54:00 +0000 J. Dixon http://headlessgiant.com/?p=155

Yet and still.....Barack is still the only dude cool enough to pull this pose off.
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This is absolutely random, but why do the coolest brothas on earth all sit cross legged? I'm sitting here watching a video of Denzel Washington, and he's sitting on Tavis Smiliey's couch for 45 minutes in a cross legged position. Then it dawns on me that Barack was on the same couch on Tavis' show, sitting in the same OG position. And I'm not talking about the one where the ankle rests on the top of knee. I'm talking about the joint where the thigh is on top of the knee. Only a true G can sit in that awkward ass position for that long and walk away cooler than when he sat down. Big up to the 40 plus BBoy stance.

Click here to see Denzel
Click here to see Barack

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